Review of auto-auto-bio app

I’m writing speculative futures! I’m imagining future ‘news clippings’ from newspapers or other media. The goal is to be neutral: not overly optimistic, not Black Mirror.

This time the future sent us an app review for the app “auto-auto-bio”, a tool that writes an autobiography for you:

⭐️ one star review: Severe disappointment #

This app promises an exciting look at your life, a thrilling autobiography in the style of Walter Isaacson. Tales of brilliance and perseverance like DaVinci or Steve Jobs.

Full of enthusiasm I gave the app access to my email, calendar, photos, all my life’s data. I did the five one hour interviews with the AI-agent, and my friends gave approval to talk to their AI-agents. That part was smooth and painless.

And sure enough: I got a beautiful book in the mail two days later. It looks amazing: the photography, typesetting, top notch.

But the content!! Big disappointment. I got bored after reading the first two chapters. The writing is like Isaacson, so that’s good, but apparently my life is too plain and unexciting. This was a huge confrontational blow.

Apparently I lack any notable achievements, in work and in private. Nothing exceptional. And little respect from my children, colleagues, friends and family. And all this in beautiful prose. It’s a high-class insult.

I ordered 20 copies, and none of my friends and family are interested. Even my parents can’t bring up the decency or motivation to read it.

This app ruined my life.

If anyone is looking for me, I’m in the corner, crying and reflecting on my worthless life. Thank you auto-auto-bio.